Fire Down Below!

Twogunn
1 Comment »

You better watch what you do when you are married.


You can't go around just being nice to other women, you need to keep all that general goodness to yourself.

In fact, once you get married you are better off if you just become a mean obnoxious idiot towards all females.


If this man did, his crotch would not be the colour of a well-done steak that it is now. Additionally, he would be alive. How messed up do you have to be to burn something to keep it? Well, if his wife does stuff like that than he may be better off dead - look at all the damage she created...

Keeping my meat rare,
Dizzle.

, ,

Happy Holidays

Twogunn
0 Comments »

It's that time of year again where we check ourselves to see how good we've been and if we deserve good things in return.

Well, for all of you that have been kinda good, I offer this song to you and yours.



Another Christmas classic can be found here for your reviewing pleasure, but I already got my girlfriend that last year, so I'll have to figure out a different present this year...

Have a Merry Christmas.

Twogunn.

,

Sex Ed

Twogunn
0 Comments »

I know we all want to bring something creative (but still pleasurable) to the bedroom when we are driven to act on our carnal impulses.


You can't just try something new and hope it feels good - well, I guess you can if you have a very ambitious partner with you - then film it and put whatever the reaction is online (note: bad reactions will probably get more attention).

This listing should help you out with some tried and tested positions.

It is not in anyway a complete listing, but you should try these at least once before looking for more adventerous options.

Shout outs to the Shoulder Holder.

, ,

Ever Wanted To Save A Princess?

Twogunn
1 Comment »

This post is mostly for my brothers, wh0, like me, have an unhealthy addiction to video games and get nostalgic over some of them.

You can't really save a princess (there are too few of them left, and most of them have bodyguards to keep you from getting close to them), but you can act like a hero that did save a princess.
The iPhone has a kick-ass app that lets you play an Orcarina until you are blue in the face - trust me, this is freakin' awesome. Check out this dude playing the theme song from Zelda, or try it yourself and see if you can get the Orcarina to whisk you away to another world on the back of a tornado.

In This Life, You Have To Keep Your Head Up

Twogunn
0 Comments »

So often things are moving so fast that we can lose sight of our goals, lose our direction, lose our focus if we don't remove ourselves from the minutia around us and look at the bigger picture.

Take this guy for example, he could have become a big time news reporter - heck, even the future anchor to a major network news channel.



He can kiss that dream, and his long-term memory goodbye.

So, like all good pee wee hockey coaches will tell you - keep your head up.

Polish Jokes Will Continue To Flourish

Twogunn
0 Comments »

This incident about a guy who drives into a lake because his GPS said so is why Polish jokes are so funny, because they are often true.

Who would ignore road signs and drive into a lake?

Wait, that wasn't a Polish joke, but I think you know what the answer is.



Polish people have given us so many wonderful things - Polish women, Polish sausage... ok, maybe just 2 wonderful things, but is that any reason to laugh at their expense?

We've tried to stop telling jokes that shine Polish people as dumb, slow, or naive - but they keep giving us good reason to do so.

, , ,

Smokey the Bear

Twogunn
1 Comment »


I think we all knew of someone who got their dog high while partying with their buddies, and in that "elevated state of mind" laughed their bag off watching the dog run for food and water as much as we ran for munchies.


What if you got a freakin' bear high? Albeit inadvertantly, these guys did and had to leave the party and never came back.
What would happen? You'd have one big ol' beast looking for munchies in a bad way, and unfortunately humans look like the best sweet/sour/salty/spicyrefreshing/fulfilling/creamy/crunchy treat to bears when they are high. It is best to get far away from there and not return until the next day. 
Although a high bear wouldn't be able to run fast, and may even try to hug you if it actually caught you. Then it would laugh, and then cry, and then ask you why his ex-girlfriend won't come back between sobs, and probably get hungry again and would eat you unless you had some real munchies near by.

The police apparently reported that "deputies found food containers ripped apart and strewn all over, along with claw marks and bear prints everywhere".

Sounds like Smokey and the Bandits had one hell of a party.

Take two and pass...