I Want My Phone Call



To all my friends heading to Vegas and getting into crazy sh!!, I have this one rule that will save you from the perils of a US jail full of schizos, murderers, thieves and other vermin of society, even though you probably only did something slightly stupid in your superhuman coolness brought on by some liver damaging binge drinking.
Rule 1: Don't say a damn thing to the cops, you stupid drunk idiot.







The police motto is "To serve and protect, unless you say something then you're nailed." That is pretty much the lesson provided by a law professor and can be seen in the video below.


A cops rebuttal follows, but his basic tenant is that if they have you, they probably have the right guy and you are probably screwed no matter what you say.




The only thing that can save you is if you shut your damn pie hole Yoko. At least you'll have time to sober up and have a lawyer do all the negotiating on how little damage to public/private property you actually did.

There is a second rule that I'd like to offer as well.

Rule 2: I wasn't with you. Don't drag the rest of us down with you dude. It's not my fault you can't run as fast, or you can't scale the fence, or you choked the hooker - I wasn't with you, I don't know you, but I will post bail for your punk ass so don't cry. Show them your angry face.

I didn't do anything,
J Dizzle.

Economy Hits Hard Everywhere


One of the unfortunate fallouts of the current economic downturn is Ted DiBiase.

According to a report by The Onion, he is now worried about the current status of his Million Dollars.

Once known for his extravagant spending and diamond-studded outfits, former professional wrestler "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase has reportedly fallen on hard times, admitting Tuesday that he did not know the exact status of his $1 million fortune.

"Well, the economy has been real bad lately, and Virgil has made some terrible investments over the years," said DiBiase, shaking his head and adding that he hadn't slowly counted a stack of bills in the backseat of a limousine in more than a decade. "I also lost track of where my briefcase is, and that had about $5,000 plus a bunch of IOUs in it."

DiBiase went on to claim that "everybody has a price," and said he was currently accepting offers to kiss people's feet for $100.

Counting my own ducats,
Twogunn.

Beer Me While I'm Snipping


Yes, that is for real. You CAN put a beer holder on your high-powered sniper rifle.
Seriously, who hasn't need to refresh themselves with quick gulp of crisp, cold, hop flavoured nectar-of-the-gods between 300 yard enemy kill shots?
I can't think of one time I've been out with a sniper rifle and hadn't wished I had a beer to celebrate or prep with.

This definitely would have mad the time on the hunting fields pass a lot quicker.

Now only if they had an iPhone app for that... Oh wait, they do...


It can determine the effects of windage, distance, air pressure, humidity and temperature, which makes dialing in the position of the scope’s crosshairs far easier. All from the ease of a touch screen interface.

Just the intelligence you need if you've had too many brewskis in the cup holder.

More "advancements in national security" can be found here.

NRA 4 LIFE,
Dizzle.

Don't Piss Off The Neighbours

You may be next to them for a long time and you don't want your home to be hostile territory.

Just take a look what an upset neighbour in Utah can do...

A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance.

The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home.

Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to
investigate.

When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...




The City Council said the vents can stay since there is no ordinances referring to shutter design.

Here is the news report that aired in Utah about it - pretty friggin funny.

Keeping peace in the hood,
Twogunn.

Become A Newscaster - No Intelligence Needed

So when your job is to read what is presented to you on a teleprompter with fake emotion, I guess you don't have to actually realize what you are reading - you just read.


That's why you are there, to look good as you tell us viewers the news, as you read it off the teleprompter. Please don't waste any brain activity on thinking about what is on the teleprompter.

This guy headed the above advice, I just wonder if he ever got to fill in for the main reporter again...



Well, maybe he enjoyed Anchorman as much as I did and this was just his ode to Will Ferrell.
Here is the original teleprompter mishap from that great movie.

Even Sir Charles Barkley got hit with Teleprompter Hypnosis, but he realizes it immediately and rolls with it.

Thank you and good night,
[insert name here].


Spray Tan = Loser In A Can

ginos

For the love of God, somebody please let me know exactly when the ‘Astro-boy’ look became popular with Ginos? ‘Spiky hair’ is supposed to be a generalization, isn’t it?

P.S. - I got 50 bucks that says at least one of these guys is named Carlos.

P.S.S. - Thank god pink shirt dude in the back decided to raise his arms, so we can all get a glimpse of just how gay that shirt really is.

P.S.S.S. - What is with the gay-ass gang sign? Looks like they are The Doves. I'm real scared...

ginos

I wonder if they have competitions to see who can get their hair the spikiest? I guess this shot was taken on spiky hair and striped shirt day. Somebody needs to tell spiky at bottom right to ‘pop his collar’. He ain’t fitting in. Notice the lack of available/interested girls. ‘Nuff said.

ginos

When I first looked at this shot, my only thought was ‘what’s with the lips?’ - I figured maybe they were all hamming it up for the camera? My second thought was ‘hey cool, guy on the left is like a Gino mini me!’. My third thought was ‘does that hairstyle really impress anyone? No, seriously, I mean ANYONE?’

ginos

Not all Gino’s are skinny. Some are steroid-enhanced rage-a-holics who will tear your brain out of your nose for looking at their girlfriends. They too are fans of spray tan, and believe that the words ’say cheese’ really mean ‘glare at me fiercely, and try to give me cancer with your eyes’. He's probably just mad at the fact that he can't get the manlove of his dreams with pecs as big as his.

Where the heck does a guy find a mega-scoop neck anyways? Probably the same place you get spray tan.

ginos

Spiky hair, big man, little shirt, superman belt buckle. My work here is done. Steroids are awesome.

ginos

This is a rare shot of a young Gino prior to his first steroid injection. Notice the soft quaff of hair just waiting to be sharpened into lethal spikes, the pert and pouty lips, the bronzing of the skin, the twin cubic zirconia’s in each ear, the neck pendant, the pack of Marlboro’s… This is a blue chip Gino prospect people. He’ll one day command a vast army of Gino warriors into battle. Ironically, this is also what most prison bitches look like.

ginos

Nothing makes a Gino look cooler than a bottle of Grey Goose yo. Except for maybe some spiky hair, a spray tan, a big watch, a pendant, a pouty stare, and a wrist strap that says ‘this is an all-ages party, but I’m one of only 12 people here that can drink legally’.

ginos

Sylvester Stallone’s ugly cousin bumped into our favorite blonde He-man Gino, and brought his Gino-Emo (Gimo?) buddy along for a picture. Now He-man doesn’t have to be the only guy in the photo with a decidedly homo-sexual shirt on, but he is still clearly upset at repressing his man-love desires.

Somebody needs to find and rescue this poor girl.

ginos

If only this car would back up. Quickly. Funny thing is, this l’il Gino probably had sex with some poor dumb teenager as a direct result of taking this photo. Surprising in that his collar wasn’t even popped!

ginos

Ahhh.. There we go. Collars - popped. Hair - mad spiked. Eyebrows - plucked to perfection. Lips - Pouty and pink. Head- cocked to near perfect 65 degree

angle… Guys like this used to get beat up routinely when I was in high school. Something very wrong must be occurring within today’s youth.

ginos

Honestly, I couldn’t STAGE a better young-Gino pic! Hair is super spiked!! Pout is in full on GO mode, and the bronzer has been judiciously applied. Notice the gold chains in full view, and the fact that pretty boy doesn’t need to bother with such trifling social constructs as ’shirts’. Closer inspection will reveal sunglasses tucked in the right pocket (most likely Channel or Armani), as well as a ‘wad’ of greasy bills in his left hand. Assuredly, neither prop is there by happenstance. As in: ‘Eh Franco, waitaminute.. take another picture Franco, but dis time lemme get a wad of freakin’ bills in my hand, and I wanna make sure my shades and medallions are visible. Should I unzip furda? Furda? Maybe even a l’il furda?’

What’s in the bags you ask? Why jumpsuits of course!

ginos

Ok, once you get over laughing at the human jack-o-lantern on the left, take a look at buddy boy on the right. He’s thinking- ‘Damn, I’m so pale. I wonder if I can get down with some o’ dat spray tan - and get the girls to chase after ME for a change?’

ginos

Boo-yah.

L’il dude even got a l’il Bling on too. Go git ‘em son.

ginos

Am I the only person whose eyes went straight to Mr. Pink Jacket? I think I must be going crazy. Why isn’t anyone else pointing at his head and laughing? And how is it that he has a girl that is willing to be seen, nay. photographed with his nasty orange ass? Speaking of that…. It must look awfully odd where the orange stops and the white begins, no? The two couples on the right must be REAL happy that their lifelong graduation photos will include photos of the Gino brothers, and their razor sharp hairstyles.

ginos

At what point does one finally admit to themselves- ‘I may be addicted to spray tanning’. Notice how Carrot face on the left still elected to sport the ‘bling’ over the suit. Classy.

ginos

No need for words here. Guys that shave their armpits, flex for photos, and wear Puma headbands to clubs make life full of smiles.

Thanks to FrankinCool for this great article.

Keeping it real-er than most of these guys,

Dizzle.

Who Wants To Be A Wedding Singer?

Seriously, who really aspires to be a wedding singer?

It doesn't seem like a wonderful destination on a musical career - it is barely even the first pee break on that journey.

As a wedding singer, you have limited options on what you can play (I'm sure it is difficult to completely eliminate the Bird Dance song), but like the guys in the video below you can at least spice things up a little.




You do have to be careful with what you do though - if you suck bad enough
the Taliban may come after you.
How bad would your skills be to have people beat you?

Now only if we could issue that same punishment on lame wedding DJs...

Riding the crazy train,
Dizzle.